he ties my shawl, my youngest son, winding it in many layers around himself and me. refuses to go to sleep unless i let him. starts crying every time i leave the room. i write. by the time he finally gets to sleep the news is over

saw the resolution of the hostage crisis in a film much later. the pictures of the dead terrorists. in black. gassed. the film showed a tv and the people watching it in kronstadt. grozny. ingushetia. i thought about the phrase i wanted to become real. about the children's feet. hands. sleeping bodies. faces. the mother in the empty flat in grozny. when the children had gone. the oldest five-year-old girl was crying beside her body. feeding her bread. the mother was too ill to eat. to look after the children. was refused a passport. left in the cold flat. bombed out houses. rows of empty black window-frames
Translated by Frank Perry