I do not want to be healthy

Not in that way people assume, that i want to stuff my face with crisps and chocolate and never get up off my bed, not that kind of unhealthy

The kind where you know that something’s not right
Because one minute you’re over the moon and the next you’re plummeting back down to earth with the force of an asteroid your tears following like stardust but you won't do anything about it because you need it to feel alive

The kind where you stare into your reflection's eyes as you drown yourself in chemicals to become like porcelain

The kind where you work and work for hours on end until you’re body gives out and your mind shuts off. Till your hands cramp up and there’s blood, real blood, pained blood, smeared across your pencil

Till you get dizzy, till your mind tells you to force your fingers down your throat and get rid of all your nutrients so you look the part

Because i don't want to be healthy

I want to be perfect

The stardust, aluminum hydroxide, blood and rejected stomach acid creating a beautiful shell to hide behind, a paste to patch the cracks in my facade

To make me perfect