Mixed emotions, not knowing which one to feel the most.
Sadness, anger hatred, and many more. Not knowing which one is hurting me more.
Sad f0r my family and myself, not to sound selfish but I cant help it. I really do. I don’t want to fell bad for myself but it’s hard. When your depressed and practically insane. If your not insane you will be some day. Depression ruins your life and makes everything and everyone around you hurt. It’s never just you. Which makes you hurt more. You never want to be left alone for fear you will remain alone. It’s hard. It’s so hard. Everything you do makes things worse. Depression sucks it really does it makes you feel worthless. And gives you so much anger.
Anger is a bad thing to have too. Anger towards yourself or maybe worse others. You never want to be angry at yourself. It makes everything you do seem wrong. Like nothing you do is ever right. To the point your crying yourself to sleep every night. Anger hurts not just you as well, it hurts others around you too. Which makes you feel hatred towards yourself for making yourself sad and angry.
Hatred is also a bad one. Hatred towards yourself I think would have to be the worst. Its one thing to hate another but to hate yourself is big trouble. It brings every emotion back and much more. It makes your mind so sore to think. It makes you feel so weak. Sometimes you look into the mirror and wish your reflection wasn’t there! ! that’s usually just the beginning when you feel all three emotions and many more. You forget that your even here. Because you remember how alone you are and how scared and how lonely and everything else. It brings to even more hatred and you just want to end it all.
Ending your life is never the answer. It may feel as it is, but once your about to take your life you will hopefully wake up out of this dream and realize that life isn’t always bad it can be good too. You just got to make the best of it. So before you take your life and regret it remember that life isn’t always bad. And sometimes you have to go through bad to get to the good. But life is always worth living, even when it doesn’t go your way.
12-9-2008