Though many men have made their mark
By rising daily with the lark,
'Tis not a plan I recommend ;
The practice no one can defend.

For Man to emulate the beast
Is quite absurd, to say the least,
But if you must, then try to find
A bird of some more torpid kind,
Content in slumber to recline
Till half-past eight or even nine.

Then let a stealthy menial creep
Within the chamber where you sleep,
In silence draw the blind half up

And at your elbow place a cup
Of tea, with buttered bread to suit,

Or, if you prefer it, fruit.

But if the latter food you choose,
Take care what kind of fruit you use !

I recollect, in early life,
I loved our local surgeon's wife

I ate an apple ev'ry day,
To keep the doctor far away !

Alas ! he was a jealous man
And grew suspicious of my plan.

He'd noticed sev'ral pips about
When taking my appendix out
(A circumstance that must arouse
Suspicions in the blindest spouse),

And, though I squared the thing somehow,

I always eat bananas now !