The very first duty of a chaperon
Is to leave the young folks quite alone;
Permitting them to sit up late
In twos and twos and tete-a-tete —
Whatever that may mean.
When a giddy old girl is on the shelf
And can't have any more fun herself,
It gives her a certain kind of thrill
To know that others are in it still.

A good professional chaperon
No breach of etiquette will condone,
And yet if she is fly she'll know
To hang, around would be de trap —
Whatever that may mean.
Although I'm old and quite passé
I was a lulu in my day;
Each girl has a right to a private squeeze
But she must not sit on a gentleman's knees.

I love to chaperon a bunch
Of beautiful buds, and I've a hunch
The reason they all send for me —
It's because I'm gay as I used to be,
'Way back in the summer of eighty-three —
Sing hey for the chaperon!