How is loving her a sin
If touching her is the closest to heaven you will ever be
And seeing her smile
Feels like being bathed in sunlight.

How is loving her a sin
If being held by her
Makes warmth spread through your body
And gently going through her hair
Is close to caressing silk

How is loving her a sin
If talking to her
Takes all the weight off your shoulder
And kissing her
Creates butterflies in your stomach

How is loving her a sin
If our hearts are tied together
Not through choice, but the feeling that is love
That forces its way through everyone.

‘’Have you found a boyfriend?’’, they ask
And how much I wished I could simply say yes
Say yes so there would not be any further questions
Say yes so you would not embarrass your family
Say yes so you would not feel the sting in your chest
That has never stopped ebbing
That has embedded itself in your body
Ever since your young version had looked in the mirror
And what was staring back
Was her biggest fear and self-hatred
Cause how could someone like her feel a certain way
Cause it could have been anyone but her
Why did it have to be her?

‘’Have you found a boyfriend?’’, they ask
And how much I wished I could simply say no
Say no so you could show your pride in who you have become
Say no so it would not feel like you are denying a part of yourself
Say no so that wound would heal a tiny bit
That wound that she kisses every single day
That wound that gets closer and closer whenever being with her
Ever since she looked at you with her dark brown eyes
And enveloped her in her blanket of love
Was being loved so purely and unconditionally not enough to say no?
Cause to love someone despite wanting to only shows what they mean to you
Cause being loved by a woman is the best thing in the world.
Why wouldn’t I say no?

But I know, when it comes down to it,
My answer will always be yes,
Because the self-hatred has become as big
as a part of me as my sexuality.

I really hope that one day I won’t be ashamed of myself,
And that I will stand up with pride for who I am.