The Begriffon
is something out of Geistesgeschichte

but then so is DJ Spinoza
They gather

in an obscure region of the Little Magellan Cloud
on a rock abandoned by Mr. Clam

The Begriffon looks like

(xˆ2 / aˆ2) - (yˆ2 / bˆ2) = 1

His eyes may be mistaken

for his nose

He can't stand
lying

The front of his T-shirt says
I AM AMBIVALENT

The back of his T-shirt says
I AM NOT AMBIVALENT

When he gets irascible
he is not very erasable

because he has 2.7 • 105 claws
but he's mislaid his one pair of clippers!

DJ Spinoza is misleadingly cuddly
His instructions say, HANDLE WITH CARE

On a periodic table
he lays out his definitions
axioms
propositions
like dentist's tools before drilling a cavity

And then they begin to fight!

The Begriffon shows the DJ three fingers
but the DJ shows the Begriffon four fingers

The Begriffon makes a face
but the DJ already has one

DJ Spinoza picks up a fiddle
and plays the Ditty of the Excluded Middle

The Begriffon stiffens his feet and hands
and cries, I won't dance,

merci beaucoup!
De rien, says DJ Spinoza

The Begriffon flies at him with a shriek
of whaddayamean's (cause the DJ can't stand ‘em)

but the DJ replies with a double drop-kick
and follows it up with a quod erat demonstrandum

The Begriffon folds like a memorandum
Has he lost the will to fight?!
Find out in the second half of this poem!
THE SECOND HALF OF THIS POEM

DJ Spinoza towers over the rock
The Begriffon takes a walk around the mental block

DJ Spinoza swings a chain
of syllogisms

The Begriffon objects
to the absence of symbolism

and then—like a matching-funds grant application -
challenges the foundation

He puts his best foot forward and says:

Listen DJ Spinoza I had enough of your logocentrism
Words are justifications only

Only physical power
adjudicates the quizzical hour

Only the fist
differentiates between resist and desist

Have you ever seen giraffes
hold a symposium?

The consciousness of animals is pure time
untrammeled by the vagaries of Sic probo

Let us meet man to man
in the style of the whooping crane

or the praying mantis
Let us dismiss words

in toto
as the unionized janitors of reality!

DJ Spinoza replies

Listen you, чудо-юдо заморский Begriffon
I don't care for your praying mantis
your whooping crane
eagle or monkey

For I shall kick your arse
with the only style I know
a style unabashedly virile
in its simplicity

I shall do it
more geometrico!

wha
huang
boomsie
loo p

The Begriffon stands for me, Eugene Ostashevsky
so naturally he is victorious