Avoid, if possible, th' impertinence
Of those who prostitute their eloquence:
Who with a long harangue from desk or stage
Both the rich mobile, and poor engage:
For what advantage are you like to gain,
By hearing some one a whole hour declaim,
While Alexander's justice he commends,
For murd'ring all his best and trustiest friends?
How are you better'd by a tun'd discourse
Of Phalaris's bull, or Sinon's horse?
Or a description that's design'd to shew
The various colours of the heavenly bow,
In a discourse almost as long as it,
Which the vile trifling scribbler takes for wit?
What wisdom can you learn from Circe's hogs?
From Hecuba turn'd bitch, or Seylla's dogs?
From weeping Niobe transform'd to stone,
Or bloody Tereus feeding on his son?
But if in manners you're oblig'd to attend,
Because perhaps the author is you friend;
Or if that tyrant, custom, bring you there,
Be grave, but not morose, nor too severe,
Nor play the critic, nor be apt to jeer;
Nor by detraction seek inglorious praise;
Nor seem to weep, when he your joy would raise;
Nor grin, nor swear, when some sad passion tries
To draw the brinish humour from your eyes;
Nor to the company disturbance cause,
By finding fault, or clamorous applause;
Be sober and sedate, nor give offence
Or to yourself, or to the audience.