I couldn’t be more sure
Of all the nostalgia I’d endure,
If I were to explore
A calf love crisis
That was so hard to cure,

How your mummy, she knew mine,
They’d been friends
For a little time,
And the time that you explained,
Your first name, it was Jane,

I really loved you, Jane,
But you only
Gave me pain,
You said ‘hello’ the first,
But it only ended for the worst.

In our local swimming pool,
I swam so close to you,
Did you smirk
To your bob-haired friend,
Between the deep and the shallow end?

So I just shyly slinked away,
Feeling such a fool that day,
Pet Clark reinforced
My bitter woe,
Singing My Love on the radio,

I really loved you, Jane,
But you only
Gave me pain,
You said ‘hello’ the first,
But it only ended for the worst.