How nice to see the picture of a father and his son
My father is my mother's wife and I'm his hot cross bun
Our home sweet home's his castle, my daddy is the king
'Cos mother's crowned him once or twice and that is why I sing
'Father, dear Father, come home with me now
For the clock in the steeple strikes none.'
We've got dover soles, lemon soles, camisoles too
And polonys with pullovers on
Custard and jelly to fill up your evening
And onions that put up a barrage
We'd a toad in the hole but the toad has flown out
And we can't get him back in the garage

The twins have been crying for daddy all night
And mother's too tender to slap 'em
So she gave them a bath and one slipped through the plug
And he's stuck in a drainpipe in Clapham
The other poor darling keeps screaming for milk
But the dairy's sent news that upset us
Their cows have been feeding on lots of ice-cream
And they've frozen their poor carburettors

There's only one button left now on your pants
And these things are not done in this nice land
For everyone knows if that last button goes
There'll be a depression in Iceland
So picture this scene and take warning
Oh Father stand up perpendicular
And mother beware 'cos the sailors don't care
And soldiers are not too particular
Who made London today what Johannesburg is?
Why the fathers of England we know
And daddy I know you're my father
'Cos dear mother told me it's so

And you can't part a boy from his father
You can't part a boy from his dad
You can't part a Scotchman from money
No matter how many he's had
You can't part the skin of a sausage
Or a dad from his fond son and heir
And you can't part the hair on a bald-headed man
For they'll be no parting there.