Sorry, Writer in Residence on the Great North Run

The last thing I'd ever do is listen to your spin

“You risk losing potential allies in your war

against the philistines,

Astley, Armitage, Duffy, Sansom, unashamedly provincial,

Defiantly Un-Oxbridge, not the enemy!”

Sorry, Andy, arse-licking's not to my taste.

I always thought it wasn't yours, my mistake!