Sorry, Neil Oram (with an orange in my pocket)

I can't make ,your loch-side commune by bonny Drummadrochit.

Sorry Brenda Williams, I can't share your park bench protest near the Royal Free

At sixty I need a fire and slippers, -4 outside just isn't me.

Sorry, Chris Torrance, I can't make your Welsh eyrie

Just spelling Gymmercher Isaf Pontneathvaughan quite fazes me.

Sorry, Seamus Famous, your hide away in Dublin Bay

No doubt is bloody grand but I can't face the journey to a far off foreign land.

Sorry James Kirkup, your Andorran niche

Is just too complicated for me to ever reach.

Apologies especially to Emily Bronte's ghost -

You are the mostest hostess that I could ever boast

Your heather moor and cobbled street's allure

Are something I've put off until the braw New Year.