its been a long time but
i still flinch and look away
close my eyes a millisecond longer
when i see affection displayed
my heart jumps and i
swallow it like i just saw violence
(like i saw a hand coming for my neck)
can’t help the reflex like i cant help breaking
(can’t help that love has been violent to me
can’t help that life has been merciless)


breathe frost into the air
im freezing in the balmy breeze
the warm night shudders
at the sight of the gilded casket
holding my sedated soul
(its in another world)


locked with hands shivering
a key swallowed like a pill
iced water in a glass, whiskey in another
i’m still grappling with the pain i swore to kill


we’re both on the floor
knuckles red, drenched in sweat
lips parched, breaths shaky
(eyes glassy, tears like hot glue)
i smile like plastic stretched white
my mind stumbling for a line to match
i’m on top but we’ve been here forever


(“the door is right there.”)


i turn and


the wind shreds through my hair
130mph on an empty highway
(i’m not sure it even exists)
skid marks on the road, dry matches on the bed
(they go out almost as quickly as i do)
bass pounding through the air or
maybe it’s all in my head
head spinning with inexplicable feelings
a thousand miles a minute
no time to stop, no time to die
(no time to breathe)


i look in the mirror but i don’t know which is real
the me made of flesh and blood
or the me made of glass and illusions
who am i? who am i?
(what am i?)


my feelings are made of glass so i
shatter in my mind
choke on the shards and it
hurts to spit them out
hurts to swallow them
(piece by jagged piece)
my mouth is dry, my throat is hoarse
and one day i will be more glass than flesh
(does that make me less fragile or more?)

Inspired by: Aankhiyaan - Mitraz and Close Eyes (slowed and reverbed) - DVRST