the days bleed and blur
meaningless, merciless, timeless
glazed eyes staring and fingers twitching
on a pen, twisted and morphed
like it will never hold anything else again

hot tears fall on a cold grave
taunting, tempting, confusing
holding a heart strangled dead, just another
carcass throwing up rainbows
like there’s no tomorrow

heart melting like a sunrise fondue
deformed, defeated, tired
blood dripping through my chest as
it struggles for air, coming up short
like the body doesn’t want to live

hope? what’s the use of hope?
just another load of
glorified bullshit
i’m alive because of
my responsibilities, not for hope

hope.
how laughable.
i’m stuck with being alive and
i’m not enjoying it
god, i’m so sick of it

depression leaves behind a trail of blue-lipped bodies
it’s a dead end road, a one way trip, a highway to hell
just like
there is no rest for the wicked
there is no peace for the disturbed

it haunts you forever
tempting you from the chasm at the bottom
of the cliff it made at the ends of your mind
its bony fingers scrape across your spine like
an anchor, testing the thin ice of your sanity

“hold my hand”, it says softly
“i’ll pull you up”
and the world turns
and i no longer know
which is up and which is down

icy bleach pours across my blurred vision
stabbing my eyes with vicious contempt
determined to deter me
as i struggle to see through the sickly sheen of life
to find the “light at the end of the tunnel”

.

and yet
even if the sky
falls onto my shoulders
i must endure

even if dark blood
stains my nails
i must endure

even if my bones
crack and splinter
i must endure

even if i taste the black bile
of guilt, and pain, and apathy
i must endure

there are people
i must protect and whom
i must see happy
even if i’m not

for them
i must endure

and for them
i must believe that
this too, shall pass

 
Inspired by:

Atlas, the Titan god who bore the weight of the heavens on his shoulders for eternity, a punishment meted out by Zeus in retribution for leading the Titans to battle against the Olympian gods. He personifies the quality of endurance.