My how I wish I wasn't growing old,
cos me bones all ache and I surely feels the cold.
wheres me goddam glasses? there on top of your stupid head,
an' your bloody woollen nighty! is underneath the bed.

Oh how I wish I wasn't ageing fast,
cos I don't think my kidneys are gonna last the pace.
I got a huge sarston stone thats blocked the peein' tract
an' me ankles are up like barrage balloons, an thats a goddam fact.

I'd better see the man, about gettin' myself a lair,
cos I'll need a place to rest my head, when I stops breathin' air.
Now I aint gonna look too far or cast me net real wide,
an' you can bet your bottom dollar, it'll be miles from Idlewild.

Yup it'll soon be time for me to go,
then it'll be farewell to one and all,
I'll hang me brolly on the hook, by the door, out in the hall,
then I'll pop me clogs, kick the bucket, an' last but not the least,
give any spare cash to me darlin' wife, don't bother with a wreath.

archie hardie.27/10/2007