at the beginning I asked you
to let me watch you watching porn I think
I needed to see you existing
entirely without me your face lost

in concentration on another's
rhythm to know if we could work I knew
that you would end up loving me too
much I thought you needed other idols

months later I saw him the actor
from that film we watched unmissable
petals of the neck tattoo he seemed
to look at me as though he knew I'd seen

him naked his body a deep well
of things I would not ask a living soul
to do I wanted to shout stranger I
have seen your skin and you are beautiful

he was standing at the train station
more vulnerable than I remembered
much smaller too I imagined him
heavy with the hope of other men

taking someone home the look on his face
when he realised how timid
he was without direction how
ordinary the unlit curves

of his shoulders were I imagined him
stopping mid kiss pulling back mumbling
this just isn't going how I wanted
this just isn't going to work