Afrizal Malna

1957 / Jakarta

I just mopped the floor

i just mopped the floor. i walk on tiptoe, so that
the floor i just mopped isn't made dirty again
by the soles of my feet. in our room, i see your
body has turned to a puddle whose bottom i
can no longer see. how can i embrace you if
your body has now turned to water? how can
i kiss you if your brow has now turned to water?
i think i must turn into a fish so that i can swim
in the midst of you. but i am not a fish. the fish
also thinks that it is not me. fish can't mop floors
and walk on tiptoe. i also think that i can't be
caught like the fish and be sold at the market
and then fried. the fish also thinks it cannot
imagine someone mopping the floor and a
weeping voice on the ocean bed. i also think it's
impossible for a fish to exist in my mind.

i'm not the sea. i'm sure i'm not the sea. the fish,
too, will never believe that the end of its life is
within my body. yet i still embrace you. then i
embrace you. and i embrace you this morning.
then i sink. and i sink. be careful, let me sink.
let me become the water so i can call for you.

Translation: 2010, Nukila Amal
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